Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
