I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
