my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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