What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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