All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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