so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize