dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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