I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
