Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
