So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
