I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
