i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
