I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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