oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When are your genitals available?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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