Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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