It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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