can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
