Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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