Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
