dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Welp...herpes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
