you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
