This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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