So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
