He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
