I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
