I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
