This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
