If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
