I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
