I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
honey bunches of taint.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
