She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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