My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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