I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just saw a hot homeless man
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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