she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
