I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
