During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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