Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
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