Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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