I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
