My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
babies were throwing up all over the place
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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