Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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