...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
