question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
