i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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