He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
