**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
