if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
