I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
