You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
