barbara walters just said penis...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
