At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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