Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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