Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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