She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
