Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
