Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
