he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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