ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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