Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
