Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You work out of a Hotel?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
