I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize