i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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