mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
