it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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