girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
