Define "chronic" masturbator.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
