Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
