I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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