I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
