bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
