She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
