Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
