I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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