God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
